Can we Pawn the Crown Jewels to fund the NHS?

It’s been over a week since the Coronation, and #abolishthemonarchy is still going strong. There wasn’t a big movement for it before, but it turns out Monarchy is like that mole on your back: you don’t pay any attention to it until it flares up, then multiple experts are probing and everyone is offering opinions.

So here’s mine.

There are Pros and Cons to the Monarchy. The Pro arguments focus on History, Tradition, Empire, Tourism, and Diplomacy. Most of these arguments are easily refuted. ‘History’ is just that, in the past. Other major facets of British History include colonial subjugation, the slave trade and the plague and we’re not celebrating those. (Although the Tories suppression of wages and destruction of the NHS may bring back the last two.)

‘Tradition’ is basically doing things a certain way because that’s the way we’ve always done it and that’s not sufficient reason for doing anything. ‘Tradition’ justifies monarchy based on their past achievements and my response is “What have you done for us lately?”

‘Empire’… sigh… One of the major themes of the Brexit campaign was “Once, we were Empire.” One of the major outcomes of Brexit was proof positive that we are not ‘Empire’ anymore. In fact, we’re barely even Commonwealth. The Caribbean nations are putting their Commonwealth membership to the public vote. Australia is already halfway out the door and not putting the King on their money anymore. Canadians are mostly ambivalent to the Monarchy; They provide some diversion and entertainment, but if there’s no new episodes of The Crown, they can always watch the Kardashians. The biggest impact the Royals have on the Commonwealth nations is when they go on a Royal Tour, and the host nation has to foot the bill. Basically, The Royals are like Cable TV; Entertaining, but expensive and outdated. Cheaper options are available,

Tourism. FYI, we already have the castles, palaces, artefacts and crown jewels. If anything, the Royals are inhibiting tourism by inhabiting royal residences that could otherwise be open to the public.

Diplomacy is a genuine benefit. The royals can’t actually make any real deals, but they are a good introduction service, On the other hand, other countries manage to establish relations without a Prince making the first damp handshake, and we do have a Diplomatic Corp in this country. They know how to introduce themselves, let them earn their keep.

The Con Arguments

  1. We can’t afford them anymore. Times are tough. We can fund the NHS properly, but we can spend £88 million per year on supporting a family that pay no taxes and have many other sources of income. We don’t know how much money they have because they don’t have to disclose it. It’s time to cut them off and let them squeak by on their personal fortunes.
  2. Our elected officials are embarrassing enough (BoJo, Truss, Rees-Mogg, Anderson, etc), but we voted for them and have no one to blame but ourselves. However, Charles talking to his plants, Harry in a Nazi Uniform, almost everything Prince Phillip said publicly; These were embarrassments thrust upon us.
  3. We can’t afford them (Bears repeating).
  4. Prince Andrew

I’m not sure how to get rid of them. They’re not elected, so we can’t vote them out. A referendum on Monarchy isn’t going to happen. The Government won’t propose it because they’re Tories and they like the Monarchy. And the People would rather walk in broken glass than do another National game of ‘Would You Rather’. The last one was Brexit and it has left us all permanently traumatised. Even the people who got what they wanted.

Especially the people who got what they wanted.

The mood in the country is not at the violent revolution stage… yet. We’ll get there eventually, but when we do, the Royals won’t be first on the Purge list. There’s a whole platoon of corrupt MPs who will be first on the steps when we start constructing Guillotines.

Hey, there’s a thought. Maybe we should ask the French. They got rid of their Royal family pretty efficiently.

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