Business in the front, Party in the back

So yesterday was April 12, and the UK moved into the next phase of reopening. There was a part of me that wondered if it would become the new Groundhog day, where Brits emerged from their dens, instead of seeing their shadows saw the long queues and went back inside for another 6 weeks. But Brits are made of sterner stuff than that and aren’t put off by a queue.

And there were queues aplenty as non-essential retail was allowed to reopen. I assume parents needed to buy whole new wardrobes for their kids, as the little rugrats keep growing with no consideration for pandemic conditions. Looking around at the kids, you’d think Capri trousers were trending.

Still, a lot of shops are having massive sales after losing a few seasons of trade, and after a year of lockdown and stay at home orders, some of us need to upgrade our Fat Pants. Buying clothes online is a bit of a crapshoot when it comes to size and fit. On the other hand, I’m not sure I’m ready to go to a shop and try on clothes that other people may have touched. Funny how I’m creeped out by things I never gave a thought to before.

Hair salons are also extremely busy, but since they’re appointment only, there’s no queue. Phone lines are busy, and online booking sites are crashing. I think priority for hair appointments should be based on need. Submit a current picture when you book the appointment. I’ve seen women with 2 or 3 inches of grey at the scalp, then the colour starts in a solid line. No attempt made at home colour. That sort of fidelity to your stylist should be rewarded. Others have clearly let a housemate with more confidence than skill have a go at trimming things, prompting the return of fashionable hats. And then there’s the people trimming their own hair. They’ve been good on the front and sides, but left the back. That’s a Mullet. That hairstyle does not need to comeback.

The thing that has worried me most about reopening has always been the pubs. Drunks don’t wear masks and they don’t social distance. Pubs can only offer outdoor service, so there were crowds in front of every pub window, every beer garden was full, plus groups dotting the surrounding streets, like little alcoholic picnics. And everyone was trying to get in on the party. On Clapham High St, there’s a place called the London Cocktail Club. At street level, all they have is a doorway, the club is upstairs. THEY HAD A BAR SET UP IN THE DOORWAY. All they have for outdoor space is the 3 feet of sidewalk in front of the door and really that’s a public space. It does not constitute a pub garden. I had to push past a pavement party just to get to the bus stop.

The government has been urging caution during reopening, advising people to be sensible; relying on the common sense of the British People. I think I see the flaw in that plan.